/overboard/ - Overboard

>>117170
She hugs her back, wrapping her wings around her.
"Of course… I just pray I really can help you"
Midnight is sniffling as well.

>>117170
Simple. Make Sands realize what is ticking Iron off and promptly using it to her advantage by falsely apologizing over it and downplaying her abrasive in Iron's eyes temperament with more active actions of physical contact to make it up to him, or even presenting a hobby of hers that isn't about combat.
It should allow to buy you some more time to flesh her out further as a pony alongside Iron, and I believe she would be able to since she seems like the kind of pony to be able to do that, being a manipulator and all.

>>117172
"Some do. i'm not sure if mr.glass sells any at the eastside though. theres this one restaurant named "Benito's" that i think you might enjoy."

>>117174
No one in that situation would realize what is ticking Iron off

>>117175
He nods, but then lowers his head, looks away, and says almost restfully
“But I have to eat meat…”

>>117173
She presses her muzzle down and towards her
“You’re so kind. I was afraid I would find no kindness in this supposed land of friendship. But I see it is real. Thank you again”

>>243269
Thanks

>>243268
She looks so derp. I like it.

>>243268
It's a nice start, good work. Some criticisms:

-The legs are a bit too thin, especially the front legs. They should look a bit stockier.
-The snout/muzzle is too small, and leaves a lot of empty space on her face and makes her eyes look disproportionate.

Some SFM stuff that hasn't been posted here.

>>247163
I see she is as "gifted" as her mothers.

Twitter focusing on Tulsi

I've noticed that Kamala has a Jewish whine to her voice.

samy & james sitting in a tree. REEEEEEEEEEEE

>>13515
Talk shit is that you ?

>>13509
the rumored time frame is from January to March From what ive heard

STAWHP ITS NOT ME.

I dont think this has ever been posted here before. time to change that.

Picture of Kittys teenage goth metal band "Blame the Lame".
Thomas on on the left, the other 2 are unknown. Presumably child hood friends.
Possible 2 of the boys he hung around and did gay shit with and illegaly drank beer and swam naked in a river.

this was faken someone in the early 2000', most likely during Dalls Homosexual Phase. I was shocked to learn that kitty even was in a band, considering how bad his guitar play is to this day.

Also heres a clip of Mister Metokur laughing at Kittys Micropenis.

>>247228
Sounds really nice! It would be an interesting little game that doesn't take itself too seriously yet has a scathing view of society. As for the style I recommend getting reference from artsy sorts of games like OFF and Lisa, as a disturbed sort of doodle fits the art-style of the former and the cynical atmosphere fits the latter.

>three negroes
Sounds a lot like Boondocks to me which would be interesting. Reaching an audience beyond /mlpol/ probably necessitates that you give a modicum of sympathetic perspective even if you lambaste their flaws. I'd imagine they'd be a goofy sort.

>two cops
Referencing San Andreas is a great idea because it's a well-loved classic, but I recommend differentiating them a little bit. The first thing that comes to mind is exaggerating them to a comedic extent as it seems like the rest of the game is intended to have humor.

>politician
I know you're referencing Beto O'Rourke and Trudeau, but it's worth applying aspects of other sleazy politicians (there's no shortage of them) like Jimmy Carter, Bill Weld and of course Bill Clinton. Emphasizing the veneer so players go "something's not right here…" yet feel curious to explore further may be a good idea. Such politicians are the sort to invite half the (respectable side of) town to a lavish (but casual) annual party to appear more relatable.

>fake husband
Sounds like the setting of Allen Gregory, which is one of the worst cartoons of all time but really tried to be "diverse" by having a sociopathic CEO essentially hire a man to be his husband. He also adopted a Cambodian girl who is abused. I'm not sure if the show is meant to be some kind of satire but it's disgusting. I think the creators also made that show with the sex demons.

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>>247228
> I've been working intermittently on mine
Glad to hear.
Btw I'm sorry that I never made and audionovel of it. I wanted to but life got in the way.

I would rate your story seven fillies out of ten purples tbh. It is obivious from the begining that it will be a comedy story. It succeeds in this for the most part. What one doesn't know at that point is that it will become a good mysery novel aswell. The mystery is pretty good. It dos follow the give the reader all the piece before the conclusion formula, if I didn't make any mistakes somewhere. Though, this is true, all the pieces arrive late in the story so don't expect to solve the mystery right away.
There were only a few moments were a rolled my eyes, your main characters how everything is pointless spiel was one. But then again it does fit his chracter so it is technically well done. It is not you that is the problem it is me. Otherwise it was solid throughout. Would recomand.

I have been thinking though, you won't have any branching paths will you? I mean since it is based on this book that your wrote. Or have you added such paths to it?
Not that I'm complaining since I can see the charm with just a novel with pictures to it. I was just wondering.

>I will probably need others yet but I think this is most of the main cast (it's been about a year since I've looked at this story so I forgot a lot of what I wrote).
Well then, here are some more characters your mc interacts with.
>Samantha
>Her father
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>>247229
Thanks. I'm thinking about making a story that branches out in different directions. That's what entice me to visual novels the most.

>>247352
>Samantha
Actually, when I think about it. He does never interact with her.

>>247352
>all the pieces arrive late in the story so don't expect to solve the mystery right away
Yeah, I was kind of writing off the cuff due to the nature of NaNoWriMo so I didn't really plan it out. I'm actually reworking the story a bit for the VN, I'll probably drop a couple of clues in a little sooner, add some scenes, and tighten up the narrative a bit. There's a few details that on revisiting it don't make a ton of sense so I might change small elements of it.

>you won't have any branching paths will you?
Haven't decided yet. It's occurred to me that it might be fun to develop a couple of side mysteries for the player to solve along the way, and have the main story follow the same path as the novel. I might throw in a couple of bad ends too if I can think of any. It's not 100% though, I might just have the story play out all the way through without any choices or branching. I'm kind of seeing how it goes.

>Like if your mc had seen him holding a typical speech on tv. Have him say a bunch of platidudes there.
But again maybe you did show that somewhere in there and I simply don't remember.
Yeah, introducing the governor character a little sooner and giving the reader more of an impression of his public side to contrast his private side is one of the details I want to alter.

>There were only a few moments were a rolled my eyes, your main characters how everything is pointless spiel was one.
Part of what I was trying to do with this story was make some commentary on white male isolation, how shitty things look under liberal rule, and how depressing and pointless modernity is most of the time. I didn't want it to be all heavy handed and corny though so I tried to make it lighthearted and humorous most of the time, making the autist character someone who would be sympathetic but also someone you could laugh at a little. Believe it or not I actually rewrote his angstier monologues numerous times because I felt some of them were a bit much, and the version that wound up in the final draft is toned down quite a bit. Maybe it needs a bit more toning. Anyway, the Raymond Chandler novel this is based on, The Long Goodbye, was sort of the same thing; it was a mystery story that also cPost too long. Click here to view the full text.