Vad kallar man en chokladboll?
En Gambiaskalle! Badum diz.
But you are right it is me, HClegend. Your arch-nemesis. I come back like a… um… what were does called again? That's right! A cycle. Got'ya.
Your story seems to have a nice premise for an action story. I hope that after I had my exams I may get time to read some of it. However, I have some other stories that I want to finish before that so it might take longer.
I do think that your story doesn't stand out enough. I imagine if I were to browse through the catalog of fanfiction.net and see your story I might just continue scrolling through.
Now, I do want to underline that this is just friendly advice. I am not saying this to undermine you. I see you as my peer and I don't see you as some inferior writer than myself. I don't want you to feel as if you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Since some anons have at the time deemed you to be our lolcow it is very easy to target you for petty and nitpicky things. What I bring up could be seen as nitpicky but it is my honest opinion with the intention to help you.
The important difference between your story and the usual fallout Equestria stories is that your character is not going out on an adventure in the wasteland but is on a quest to change his home. FE stories are, since the first one, have their focus on, primarily, the main character. They are even a lot of times written in the first person perspective. My point is that your story will be character driven and so should your description be as well.
Give us something like this:
War has changed. How could it not have? When there are no foals playing hide and seek anymore. When civilians cease to exist. When Peace ceases to exist, then war takes on a new form, chaos.
But I, Sunrise Stardust, plan to fight the chaos and make Equestria harmonious again.
I have obviously not read your story so I don't know your character and what drives him. I understand if you don't want to reveal too much too quickly in the story. But anything that hooks us on the character since he will be the thing we will read the book for. My interest is mostly on him. Okay, I am a bit interested in how the coup will turn out. But mostly on him. I am all about hooks and standing out in fiction.